First Screening

So, progress is being made. Watched through that DVD a few times, reordered a few scenes, and kept picking at all the scabs I kept running into. Those awkward cuts that would distract, kept trying to smooth those over. Mostly successful, I think. Long nights this week, longer than usual because I was getting ready to burn a new DVD, this time for the consumption of eyes other than my own.

The time has finally come to show That Thing I've been working on for so long to other people. That Thing that's been floating around for years in my head, and is now in a mostly finished state. A bit scary, mostly because of the 'mostly' part of the mostly finished state. It's still a rough cut, and it's being presented as such, but that still scares me. I haven't had the chance to make it presentable yet, that part of the editing process comes after the picture is locked, and I don't want to commit to that until some folks have seen it, but I hate to show it in an unfinished state, and so on and so on. You get the idea. Sound is the big one, it sucks to go from shot to shot with each one having a different consistency of sound due to microphone placement and wind noise and traffic and such. Stuff that would be equalized and covered by ambient sounds and foley and compressed to make a legible sounding thing. For example, the raw versions of the scenes that consist of “One more cup of coffee” are in this rough cut, and it doesn't sound so hot. I didn't even do as much as I should have when I released the finished version of One more cup a while back and it still sounds so much better than what's on this DVD. Thankfully that's probably some of the worst sounding stuff so I'm optimistic about fixing the rest of the movie, but the viewers won't get that benefit tomorrow.

Then again, I don't think that's what I'm really worried about. I think I worry about the movie itself. How are those folks going to react? Especially since now there's probably going to be a few more folks showing up than I first anticipated, folks that don't really know me the way the close friends do. For their sake I worry about the presentation, but I also wonder how they'll take to that film-making style of mine. That rambling nonsense I tend to make, how's that gonna go over tomorrow? Will the movie make sense, will it resonate, will it bore? Above all else I just hope it's entertaining when it's all said and done and I how no idea how anyone other than myself will think of it. I don't even know what I think of it, as I mentioned before I tend to swing between love and hate on this thing, and I'm currently going towards hate. If I don't like it what hope is there for anyone else?

It's almost like I'm heading towards the gallows tomorrow. Awaiting judgment after being imprisoned for months. Not even remembering the crime I was charged with, let alone whether or not I even committed said crime. At the mercy of my peers, hoping they'll be kind but also wanting to hear the truth behind their thoughts, sticking my neck out ready and willing to receive whatever punishment I deserve. I guess either way it should be fun, I mean how often does one get the opportunity to receive honest criticism?Not actually losing my head, and what doesn't kill me could make me stronger. It'll make this movie stronger... God, that sounded corny.

Context

So hey, a few days ago a somewhat significant milestone was reached. Finally took the various pieces of That Thing and put them together, creating something that vaguely resembles a movie. Still a few holes that I'm aiming on putting some plaster over in the next few days, but the large majoritity is there. Hooray for me.

This rough cut is significant for a few reasons. The obvious one being that it signifies that this project is actually nearing completion, or at least something I can show a few folks and start getting feedback on instead of living in a void of solitude. Eventually you hit that point where you're not sure if that joke you wrote a few years ago and have scrubbed through dozens of times while editing even makes sense anymore, it'll be nice to see if those points of interest garner any sort of reaction from fresh sets of eyes. I can actually show this to a few friends without pausing every few minutes and feebly explaining why the timing's off or why this shot is too long or what some slug is filling in the space of. Not having to verbally run through the convoluted order of the scenes and watch as their eyes glaze over in confusion should be nice.

Speaking of which, the other reason I'm happy that I'm holding a quickly encoded copy of the whole thing in my hand is because I get to pop it into a DVD player and watch it. Away from the uncomfortable chair sitting in front of a computer monitor. No keyboard with a space-bar constantly tempting me to stop and quickly adjust this or that. I get to watch all these scenes in context and start looking at the bigger picture. Context. Already, starting to notice that scenes that seemed fine by themselves are way too long in their current states, when sandwiched between two other scenes. Because of that context now I could figure out that this could go there, could probably chop that in half and move another scene earlier to compensate and... that probably sounds really vague but you get the idea.

Most important I think, I'm finally beginning to see the waves. The delicate nuances of pacing that could make or break this movie. Over this last summer I found a really cool spot somewhere in Manhattan, stone steps that lead straight into the Hudson river without a fence or anything stopping anyone from jumping or falling in. A nice quiet spot where one could just pull out a notebook and scribble shit down and not be bothered. A great view of the sunset fading out and better yet, the sunset after the sunset. You know, where the sky and clouds turns into crazy colors and you sit in awe of what nature is capable of. Wearing headphones, as I tend to do, almost feels blasphemous there, it felt wonderful to just bask in the quiet, the only noise being the waves crashing against these steps. On nice windy evenings I'd just take off my shoes and soak in those waves.

Sometimes it was disappointing to see a very calm day, where the water wouldn't even rise above that first step, that's no fun. Sometimes those waves would become so fierce as to punch me in the face without my seeing it coming, and dousing my clothing in the process. Walking home with a wet shirt and socks ain't much fun. But on those good days where that river would mix it up, where I could sit in that serenity and become lost in various thoughts were always good days.

Or maybe this was just a labored and really shitty metaphor, got carried away. Sorry about that. But yes, with the context of seeing these scenes side by side, now I have to figure out how to take this flick through its highs and lows, the serious and funny parts, the crashing waves and reflective stillness, all without losing that delicate attention of the audience.

Hate/Love

Heya folks, quick update- still toiling away at the editing of the movie. Running late hours for the last few weeks, noticing a trend with regards to my disposition at the end of these days. I seem to have a hate/love relationship with That Thing. Always have, suspect I always will, as I do with anything else I create. Is that a common dilemma with director or writer types, or is that just my problem? It's this odd, frustrated sensation when I'm down, and a cheerful, optimistic state of mind when feeling good about whatever I'm working on. And it flips every other day.

A few months back while still shooting but having not shot anything in a while, I was feeling really down. Walking around as I tend to do when I have nothing better to do, I think I thought myself into a boiling point and furiously scribbled out the following;
“Trying to make a movie without money is a death-march of pain and agony one must endure to end up with a mediocre product. Right now I feel angry enough to kick somebody in the face while at the same time I just want to sit in some random corner and cry. I obviously can't do either, one would get me arrested and the other would get funny looks. I want to confide in someone these feelings of frustration but I'm not close enough with anyone that I think wouldn't be bored of listening to my whining. Right now I want to drink my troubles away but am too broke to do so, at best I might get slightly tipsy. What a shitty life I live.”

Man, kinda depressing. At least the bright side to that was I felt a lot better after writing that out. Like vomiting bad vibes out of the system. Sometimes it gets worse, but I suppose everyone has their ups and downs. A few days ago I was hitting a down. Having sorta rotten luck at the moment, shit poor for one. Have no money, for nothing. I got left is a Metrocard with about sixteen bucks worth of fares left. So to stretch that out as far as I can I've been walking to and from work, a good five miles each way. Which means I don't get much sleep since I gotta leave home at least an hour earlier, and I get most of my work done at night, which means leaving at ten and getting home near midnight. The walking ain't bad, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm also starving, most days I get by on toast with ham, cheese and oj for breakfast, and a can of Dr. Pepper for dinner since that's all that left in the work fridge. Not good, but I'm surviving. Heh, still got plenty of fat to spare, hardly even feel hungry. Oh man, one day I'll look back at this and laugh. Maybe.

Sometimes I really hate the movie. I'll working on it and telling myself that this is hot garbage. The best I can say is that it's my first movie, and the next one will be better. I just want to squeeze this turd out of the way and move on. But then sometimes I'm thinking it's great. Like today, finally putting music and some voice over into the mix, and I'm loving it. Today, the chase scene in particular was really awesome, like sit down and just watch it five times in a row awesome. I crawl out of the basement feeling pretty good. I think I can honestly say I'm about two nights away from actually putting it all together and getting a rough cut of the entire thing. Progress is being made, and that's really the joy of editing. Chipping away for weeks at this daunting chunk of raw stone and slowly carving it into something resembling a thing.

It's probably why I've been working so hard the last few days, because the end is actually somewhere in sight even though in reality I'm probably only at the halfway point. The self imposed deadlines keep getting pushed back, but I'm starting to get near an actual hard deadline if I'm to finish this by the end of March. Despite my hatred for this movie, there's still a part of me that wants to throw away money by entering it into a few festivals, and some of those deadlines are not too far off. Half of me still loves That Thing enough to be hopeful of a public screening. And the only way I'll find out which side is right is to finish this stupid thing.